China: Exit the Dragon

"Welcome splendid Forbidden City! After come enjoy our dainty snacks. Or it may become sinister."

Slightly threatening advert for a cafe


CHINA: EXIT THE DRAGON

Well, I've finally finished teaching now. I may have been doing it for only a few weeks, but as I didn't have weekends off, and had a long working day with only one class, I have had well over a hundred hours in the classroom. One hundred hours is more than many classes in the UK get in a year with a given teacher, so I feel I know my pupils pretty well.

The kids gave the premiere of their play (written entirely by them, and directed by me) which they decided to call "People and Animals are Good Friends". I thought their script was great - really inventive. Two students go to the zoo, and meet all the animals there who they befriend. The best line comes from the tiger:

"I'm a tiger. Ra!. I eat all kinds of animals ... but only because I am very hungry, and I only eat very little ones. And normally I am kind and nice to all animals"

The logic does become a little contorted at times as they try to show their central premise that all animals are good. It ended with the tiger's birthday party, and all the pupils sang happy birthday, while the tiger growled in time to the music.

They performed their play in front of the school, and then I was presented with an award for being the best teacher as they said I was "simultaneously the strictest and kindest" teacher. Really not sure how to take that, particularly given I've done little with the school authorities but argue with them.

When I said goodbye to the kids, most of them were more than happy to go back to their holidays. But I was surprised how upset a few of them got when they said bye to me. I guess they are only eleven, and it must be a big change for them.

All the best,

Michael

PS Am slightly worried about tomorrow. School took us out to dinner at a very exclusive restaurant with a high party official, among others. The high official took an interest in what we were doing, and has asked to have our passports shown to the police tomorrow 'for our protection'. Given that we are technically working illegally - the school told us to get tourist visas not working visas - I'm a little concerned.

PPS Malcolm asks: "Is there a prologue to the play: 'We Chinese love all animals, especially endangered species whose body parts we normally use as aphrodisiacs'?"

China: Way of the Dragon

"I sailed down the river, and killed five hundred niggers"

Inappropriate song lyrics from the school textbook, which I'm supposed to teach the kids

CHINA: WAY OF THE DRAGON
I have had a strong word with the headmistress about the lyrics of one of the songs in our textbooks, which I said was entirely inapproprate, particularly for children. I also threatened to walk out, but didn't in the end.

The kids are great, and its good to work with them. They are talking in a foreign language all of their working day, and still work really hard. They have to put on a play for the closing ceremony, and they've written and learnt all the words, which really impressed me. They've translated them directly from the Chinese, so one of their suggestions was "Snow queen and the seven little people."

I went to visit Tiananmen Square the other evening (a bit of a trek as I'm out in the suburbs here). It is of course full of people flying kites, and people wandering round - it's the biggest square in the world. Mao's face looms over you as you wander round, as it does everywhere.

I still find it slightly shocking that Mao Zedong is treated with such reverence. The official Chinese version of events over the 'Great Leap Forward' seems to be this:

"Well, Mao is responsible for the deaths of 2 million people. But we all make mistakes. And he does have a nice smile".

Nowhere in Germany or Russia would you see Hitler or Stalin treated in anywhere near the same way, and I know they are very different situations but the comparison is still valid. I should note in passing that those imprisoned in the Tianneman Square protests are still in jail, 16 years. Clearly freedom of speech and democracy are dangerous ideas which should be beaten out of people.

Anyway, I must say that whatever qualms I have about the government, the teaching is going well.

I'm getting into the swing of things now with my class. I'm really enjoying teaching, and I get on very well with the group. As I'm the oldest teacher I've been given the most able group, and they are an absolute joy to teach.

Hope all is well in the UK,

Mike

PS Have a heard a few things about the Chatham House controversy, but not of course through the media or the internet as everything is censored.

Entering the Dragon - Into China

"Remember; the penalty for importing pornography into China is ... death."

Friendly advice from the headmistress of the school I'm teaching at in China

ENTERING THE DRAGON - INTO CHINA

Well, I've now crossed over the Gobi desert and arrived in China. Not sure if this email will get past the rather strict filtering they seem to impose here. I wrote an short piece on my blog criticising the Chinese government, and now every single entry on it has been deleted. So I'm afraid the story about Mongolian nightclubbing will have to wait for another day.

I've already started teaching, and have been doing so for the last few days. My class is very good, and quite obediant - very keen to learn. The other guys Tim, Lucy and Amy have been great. And my chinese teacher, Marie - who sits in the classroom with me - is a really good laugh and the same age as me, so we get on very well.

It is however, quite physically demanding. My working day begins in the classroom at 8.40am and ends at 9.00pm. After this I have to prepare lessons, and they race through the material I give them so I don't finish working till nearly midnight. Temperatures here have been ranging from 28 to 44 degrees centegrade over the last few days. I do have two hourlong breaks during the day, but my room and my classroom are each on the fourth floor on seperate buildings, so I have to ascend 24 flights of stairs every day.

I'm working at one of the best schools in the country, and when these kids grow up they are likely to be at quite senior positions in the government. I'm conscious that by many economic forecasts China will be the world's leading economic power in 25 years or so, so when these kids are adults in their prime they will be leading lights in one of the most powerful nations on earth.

But the kids are good to work with. I've been entertaining them with card tricks, which they seem to love. I was teaching them the "Okie Kokie" today, which ended in fits of laughter.

Anyway, thanks for all the emails - news stories are great as all the main broadcasters are blocked.

All the best

Mike

Outer Mongolia

"Yak Polo - a world first"

Genuine front page headline of local newspaper.

Being in Outer Mongolia is seen as a byword for being in the middle of nowhere. But in the mid thirteenth century, Mongolia was the biggest empire in the world. In fact the Mongolian empire was actually the largest that has every existed. Its, founder Genghis Khan (also known as Chinggis Khan) was listed by Washington Post as “the most important man of the last thousand years”

Most of the books I’ve read about Genghis Khan try to paint him as a great sage and noble leader. But really, that’s a load of rubbish. He might have been a great military leader but that’s because he made no bones about killing anyone who he disliked or he disrespected. His legal code was simultaneously surreally arbitrary and unforgiving brutal. For example there was actually a law against “hurting a horses’ eye”. Not only that, but the punishment was death

Nevertheless, he did found a mighty empire, which at one point, covered the whole of Russia, all of China, Mongolia, and swept west all the way into parts of Europe, and whole swathes of the Arab world including Baghdad.

Genghis Khan was hardly an enlightened new man. In one famous story, he asked his junior officers what they thought was man’s greatest pleasure. “Seeing a bird fly in spring” they replied. “No!” shouted Genghis, “it is to defeat your enemy, seize his possessions, and then take his women folk…” He goes on in some detail about what should be done next, but I think it does not bear repetition.

Genghis Khan is given god-like status by some of the inhabitants today. Indeed there is a sect that today worships at the cemetery of his body. Historical accuracy is not a strong point of this cemetery. The tomb was built in the 1970s - Khan died in 1227 - and doesn’t contain his remains at all, but of all things, a jar with a piece of Camel’s hair in it.

What exactly were they thinking?

‘Oh well, we meant to put the body of Genghis Khan, our god-like leader here, but we got mixed up and put a piece of Camel’s hair there instead. Whoops.’

Genghis Khan’s biggest contribution to today’s world was probably from his fiery loins. He regarded women as part of the spoils of war and fathered hundred’s of children. Indeed an article in the American Journal of human genetics concluded that 16 million men were direct descendents of Genghis Khan. Chris Tyler Smith at Oxford’s Department of Biochemistry said in a report at the time: “At first it seemed like a joke, but as we accumulated more data .. this seemed to be the best explanation.”

Stranded in Russia

"If you are in needing of assisting, the border officials will be happy to give you hell" [sic]

Genuine quote from Russian border form

STRANDED IN RUSSIA

Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the British Government's official advice on travel to Russia which is:
"the FCO advises against all travel [including essential travel]" to Russia

Perhaps I should have just got a flight to China, instead of trying to go there overland.

Anyway, it now appears I'm stuck here in Russia.

* * * *

It started really well. I wandered round St Petersberg, got to know an American backpacker called Robyn quite well. She was from Phoenix, Arizona, and was quite fun to be around. She seemed quite keen for me to come to some festival they have up there in September, and offered to put me up, but I think Arizona is a bit far really. Anyway, we wandered around Moscow, and took in Red Square and the Kremlin.

* * *

But, I have run into a bit of a problem. Basically, the point of this mad dash across Asia is to get from one job in London, to another in Beijing. And I have exactly 2 weeks to do it.

Despite having booked a train ticket in advance - in writing - I'm now told that my reservation is no longer valid.

And the next train isn't for a week.

And my visa expires in 4 days.

So I'll be on the run from the visa police. No, really. (How many other countries have visa police?)

And I'll miss the first week of teaching in China, which is the entire point of this journey. Nice.

I pleaded with the train authorities in St Petersburg, but they were adament that the train was full. And the tour agent refuses to acknowledge my reservation. Great.

So I'm stranded in a country where I barely speak the language, in the middle of nowhere, missing out on the teaching which is the whole point of this journey.

But I will try to get there. Somehow. I just have to get there.

Mike


Postscript

I wrote the above whilst still in Russia, and I didn't get a chance to send it. In the end I did manage to get on the train I was planning to - despite the best efforts of my travel agent, Andrei. Andrei seemed determined that I would not get on the train, and seemed to lack basic business sense - I did tell him at one point that I would pay any price. I had to go to the central ticket office and book the ticket in a different language and a different alphabet, and despite telling me earlier it was fully booked, there were now seats available.

There are four train stations in the vicinity of the one I needed to get, and I managed to go to all of them sequentially before finally getting to the right one, in the driving rain.

I was so pleased after all the trouble I had getting there, I could have kissed the ground.

(I didn't though, obviously. I mean, I'm not the tourism minister for Estonia)